Friday, September 26, 2008

Career Counselled at the Hotel Bar

I'm at the Suites at King West in Toronto. Just spent the evening, with my lovely friend Gwen, being hit on by a "career counsellor" at the hotel bar. Career Counsellor? Really? Such people exist?

He proceeded to tell us that women supress sucess and that men don't supress success. The reason that men are called "charismatic" is because they don't stifle who they are as women do. Really? I said. Yeah, women try to hide their assets, men use everything they have.

He went on to tell me that I needed to stop promoting my book and start promoting myself. And furthermore that I need to "promote" my book to the core auience - women, but sell to the "new constituents" - men. I, apparently, according to Brian, am the product. Furthermore, on the book cover, the skirt needs to be hiked up to sell to the new constituents. Ugh. He kept quoting Tom Clancy- I've never read Clancy, but apparently according to Brian, he's very successful.

As we were leaving the hotel, Gwen politely asked Brian where he lived. The 29th floor of the hotel. Really? You live at the hotel?

Good Night!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Mistaken for Miriam

I was doing a live television interview was wayyyy too early in the morning so I'll let you figure out which one it was. The co-host opened by telling me how much she loved my book. She then proceeded to describe my book to the viewers: it's a road-trip-book, about an aunt who takes her niece and nephew on a trip because their mother is having a breakdown.

Should I interject? Tell her she's not even close, but I'm really glad she's enjoying this other book that I didn't write. Perhaps suggest she have that writer on the show? I duuno. It's too early, I've only managed to get down half a cup of coffee and really, I don't care. Two cups of java from now I might.

Alas, she realizes she's got the wrong book and gets the whole thing on track again, says that she's reading my book at the same time and loving it (or at least the back cover). She apologized both on and off air. The reality is she's the host of an early morning show that I'm never awake to watch; I'm the writer of a book that she probably doesn't have time to read. And it's all okay.

All of that said I am half finished Miriam Toew's new novel The Flying Troutmans and I'm seriously LOVING it. And guess's a road-trip-book, about an aunt who takes her neice and nephew on the road...

Friday, September 5, 2008

The Flies, The Mice,The Cat and The Kid

Well, all of this book stuff has certainly been fun, however, it's left my homelife in quite a state. I think that my husband and two year old have had just about enough of this book.

We have a fruit fly infestation because I can't seem to remember to put the produce away. My friend Gwen (writer of Mary's Atlas) told me that if you put a banana in a glass, cover it with saran wrap, punctured with teeny tiny holes, it would trap them. I thought I was catching loads of fruitflies. In the end they were just having lots and lots of sex, and then, of course, the plactic wrap broke and there were kabillions of them all over the kitchen. Oskar has had a good week of not being forced to eat fruits and veggies as there is an all-out-ban in the house. The problem is rectified, however, now.... there are mice. Really.

I thought that since we took in a stray cat who we've called Dr. Puddles, the mice would not return as they do each fall. Owning a cat wasn't high on my priority list, but at least Dr.P. doesn't help herself to everything in the cupboards at 2 am. Rob, Dr. P and I helplessly watched the unreachable, very cocky little mouse in between the cupboard and the stove munching on a cracker stuffed in there by Oskar. Dr. P got bored and sauntered away.

I'm sure Dr. P. would argue that day to day survival amidst the terror of a two year old is hard enough and she should be exused from battling the mice invasion. Example from that day: Oskar decided he would kiss Dr. P. We thought this was progress as he usually just tries to play cat rodeo with her. She lovingly tolerated little Oskar as he desperately tried to kiss her on the mouth, which she clearly wasn't into. Finally, to show his affection he gave up and settled for sticking out his tounge and dragging it across her back.

Anyway, it feels like things around the house are crazier these days because I'm not really on top of anything. Who am I kidding? I probably never was.